Project Mayhem: The Rise of HyperSoap
"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."
London is now a soap insurgency.
You wake up. The alarm screams. The grey sludge of Monday morning tries to pull you back under. You are not your job. You are not how much money you have in the bank. But right now, you are tired, and the enemy is winning.
We didn't start this to make bathrooms smell like lavender fields. We started this because waking up is a war, and your shower gel is a pacifist.
>> WANT TO REPRESENT YOUR COLORS WITH THE HYPER FORMULA? GET IN TOUCH <<
At HyperDrift, we believe in engineering with a purpose. Sometimes that purpose is digital—building resilient, federated micro-apps that refuse to die. Sometimes, it’s biological. It’s about optimizing the hardware that runs the code: you.
Enter HyperSoap.
The Philosophy: Hitting Bottom
You have to break yourself down to build yourself up. We don’t make "artisan soap." That implies gentle swirls and calming scents. We make handheld chemical weapons disguised as shower bars.
Our lab is a 100g test-batch kitchen in London that permanently smells of menthol crystals and scorched citrus. The goal? Eleven ultra-energising bars designed to hit you like a slap, a triple espresso, and a cold wind to the face all at once.
No lavender. No chill. Only chaos.
The Insurgency Log (Dec 2024 – Jan 2025)
The mission is simple: Fix. Your. Monday.
We are currently operating on a cold-process protocol. Vegan bases, weaponized additives.
🟢 Status: DEPLOYED (Curing)
1. Morning Slap
- Payload: Peppermint + Menthol Crystals + Caffeine + Guarana + Coffee Scrub
- Effect: First success. Currently curing. It’s radioactive enough to make your scalp tingle through the paper wrapper.
2. Citrus Fire Mark II
- Payload: Blood Orange + Litsea + Lemongrass + Menthol + Caffeine
- Status: First attempt seized solid (failed). Second attempt (hot lye method) unmoulded today.
- Vibe: Smells like a flaming orange orchard.
🟡 Status: IN THE PIPELINE (Next 30 Days)
We are escalating.
- Glacier Mint Nitro: Arctic menthol + caffeine anhydrous + neon blue swirl.
- Eucalyptus Glacier: Eucalyptus + menthol + theophylline (the new secret weapon).
- Tea Tree Lime Assault: Tea tree + lime + caffeine overload.
- Peppermint Mocha Overdrive: Coffee + peppermint + guarana (brown on purpose).
- Project Mayhem: Capsaicin + theophylline + caffeine anhydrous.
- Warning: Skin goes red. Heart races. Do not gift to civilians.
Weapon Upgrades
You fit the tool to the job. We don't use kitchen spoons. We acquired the gear:
- Precision Scales: 0.01g accuracy that never auto-shuts.
- Armor: 8-mil Venom Steel nitrile gloves + sealed goggles.
- The Reaction Chamber: Stainless tri-pour beakers (zero waste).
- The Accelerator: Mini milk frother. Dissolves caffeine/menthol/theophylline in 15 seconds flat.
- The Secret Ingredient: Theophylline Anhydrous. Just arrived. It provides the warm-flush that tells you it's working.
Rules of Engagement
Strict protocols separate a lab from a bomb site.
- Lye Protocol: Added to boiling distilled water only.
- The Trace: Blend to very light trace (2–3 sec drizzle).
- The Kick: Menthol, caffeine, and theophylline are added after the trace, pre-dissolved in hot glycerin.
- The Lockdown: Pour at 40–44°C. Dome it. Insulate it. No peeking for 36 hours.
- The Wait: Cure minimum 4 weeks. The longer, the meaner.
Next Moves
Tomorrow, we cut Citrus Fire Mark II. This weekend, we test Eucalyptus Glacier.
We document everything. Every clean cut, every chest-flush reaction, every failed brown disaster. We are gifting the tame ones for Christmas. We are keeping the illegal ones for the cause.
Eleven bars. Zero mercy.
Fight Club, lathered.
🏴 JOIN THE REBELLION
This is your wake-up call. Don't let the message die in the algorithm. Spread the word.
Want to represent your colors with the Hyper Formula?